I'm pissed. You know me, I'm Special Petrol Unit, a.k.a. 'Slimey,' a.k.a. 'S.P.U.' I'm a fancy-shmancy A.K.C. brand beaver-shaped doggie toy. I have a squeaker inside, which I know you love. Don't deny it! I am meant to be licked and chewed on for squeaky, chewy fun. Yes, even grabbed by the head and shaken violently. I am not a tug of war toy - NOT!! You think that cone-collar is humiliating? My insides are on the outside, okay!? I had to have a bath and so am no longer coated with a thick film of your drool. This is not cool. Now I sit, languishing in the sewing bin, waiting for my turn to get stitched up and back in the game... (sigh) ...I miss you, Joey.